My day has started out just awesomely, thanks for asking... I was jazzed last night because the mess hall had actual, fresh guacamole!!!!! It is one of my favorite dishes in the whole world, and was the first time I'd seen it here. Yeah, I know, if something new, exciting, and different from the usual institutional or East Indian cuisine shows up in the mess hall, don't trust it. I get the concept of caution, and for that reason have avoided the king crab legs, "lobster" tails (still not convinced those aren't really boiled camel spiders), and when they featured sushi a couple of weeks ago, I literally ran in the opposite direction. But I ask you, how can anyone screw up mashed avocados with a bit of lemon juice, finely-diced onions, and a hint of cilantro? I can report that it even tasted just like fresh guacamole, with enough chunks of avocado to guarantee this was made on the spot. So I fell in to the clever KBR trap, downed a couple of tablespoonfuls of the stuff...and within hours I was doing performance art. "See the Leprechaun actually re-creating the May, 1980 eruption of Mount St. Helens, complete with Pyroclastic Flows and superheated gasses!" I was giving three performances every hour, and the show is still running, with no end in sight.
After returning to my CHU just now (or as I now call it, "backstage") I went to brush my teeth. I avoid the somewhat dodgy water in the latrine sinks, and have been using a combination of Listerine (to wet the brush) and toothpaste, for a result that is both minty-fresh and chemically-powerful. As I dipped my toothbrush in the giant "Osmond Family-size" Listerine bottle, one of my colleagues startled me by pounding on my CHU door, and I dropped my toothbrush into the emerald green depths. Rats! After running off my visitor, I tried retrieving the brush by fashioning a lasso of dental floss, but the floss floats so I can't get it around the end of the handle. While I was attempting this hygienic rescue, I looked down at the floor, and noticed huge globs of wet mud all over my vinyl floor and area rugs. Once again, some KBR water truck had dumped its load on the gravel outside, creating a swamp underneath the dry rocks...and the preoccupied Leprechaun, oblivious to the condition of his footwear, managed to turn a formerly clean CHU into a venue ready to host mud-wrestling...Hmmmmmm...I'll have to ponder that opportunity while getting dressed and heading over to the PX for a new toothbrush...with at least one stop along the way.