Sunday, September 6, 2009
Porta-Potty Pistol Procedures
Remember the joke about the guy who accidentally drops a $5 bill down a porta-potty, pulls out his wallet and throws in $50, before jumping in to retrieve the cash. When he crawls out, dripping with "stuff", his friends ask him why he did what he did. The fellow answers, "You don't think I was going to go in after a measly five bucks, do you?" Well, in the Army, anyone unfortunate enough to accidentally drop their sidearm into the poop pool will definitely be expected to retrieve it...although the recovery procedures are not specified in any regulation or field manual.
Since I have absolutely no desire to muck about in the sewage, I developed a routine to prevent such a disaster. First action upon entering the confines of the Porta-Potty is to put down the lid, and only then do I remove my pistol from my belt holster, and place it next to the seat. (For those of you wondering why I even take my sidearm out of the holster, try pulling up your pants and tightening your belt with a 3 lb weight hanging on one side.) Once my pistol has been secured, then I am free to take care of business. When finished, I do the whole process in reverse before returning my pistol to the holster.
Do you think I'm being overly-cautious? Well, this morning I was kind of in a hurry. I followed the procedure outlined above, but when I drew my pistol from the holster, it caught on the hem of my shirt, and dropped about six inches...right on to the closed lid. I must be living right.