Saturday, December 12, 2009

Return of the Leprechaun

Sorry for not posting for a while...I just didn't have a lot of motivation. But, I'm back, and ready to recount what has been happening in Baghdad over the past two weeks. First of all, my investigation workload has been like transferring from Mayberry PD to NYPD. We have two teams of agents, and rotate the duty each day. We can count on the phone to ring with a "duty call" on the average of twice per day. I'm carrying a caseload equivalent in size to what the entire office had at my old FOB. Every other agent has the same load...or bigger. This requires good teamwork, and that's where my colleagues really excel. I won't go so far as to say crime scenes are now fun, but the good humor, horseplay, and tips to increase efficiency really make the long days go by faster.

I've been afforded the opportunity to expand my professional knowledge in unique ways, for instance I am now certified as a Unit Prevention Leader...more commonly known in the Army as a "Piss Tester". Yep, the Army has a pretty aggressive drug testing program which requires random urine testing for everybody...even for the highest-ranking General Officers. (How many times have we soldiers said, "Whoever thought THAT up must've been on drugs!" Well, now we'll know for sure!) The certification training included such topics as "Cleaning up spills", the "Proper Method of Observation", and my personal favorite, "Detection of the Whizzinator". It's an actual product used by dopers to pass urine tests. The Whizzinator includes a realistic looking latex wiener (comes in a variety of skin tones), a vinyl bladder which users fill with obtained from non-using buddies, and even a small chemical heating pad to ensure the sample is at 98 degrees. There is even a female version...don't ask!

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