Step One: Get your hands on some liquor, even though it's strictly prohibited here.
Step Two: Invite a co-worker of the opposite sex, who you know is gay, over to your quarters to discuss your marital problems.
Step Three: Become intoxicated.
Step Four: Try to rip your co-worker's clothing off and have sex with them.
Step Five: Discover while attempting to perform Step Four that your co-worker has a Black Belt in Tae-Kwon-Do, and REALLY takes offense at your actions.
Step Six: Kiss your $200,000/year contractor's job goodbye, in addition to suffering a broken nose and a possibly-torn knee ligament, which the government health insurance will not cover.
Step Seven: Congratulations! You've just achieved "Seriously Stupid" status. You may now depart Iraq. (Don't worry...your summons to U.S. Federal Court will follow you shortly!)