...and I've got to plug my ears!
When dumb, repetitive bureaucratic idiocy occurs in my world, and it occurs in close proximity to a good round of golf, those seductive siren songs start calling, "It's time to retire, Leprechaun!" There's a lot of conflict from those thoughts. I like my job, well at least the actual work, and my boss and colleagues are great. I also enjoy doing my Army Reserve duties, which provide excellent incentive to stay in shape, and there is ample opportunity for Fun, Travel, and Adventure these days!
So aside from golf, what songs are the sirens crooning? Well, I have a number of friends who are of similar age, and retired from law enforcement or the fire service, like I did in 2006. They are all living in places like Arizona or Hawaii during the winter, spending time with grandkids, and yep, on the golf course, or fishing, or doing the occasional consulting job. I admit to envying these guys, and even more so when the bureaucratic idiocy mentioned earlier rises to painful levels.
I also hear dissenting voices..."Suck it up, Buttercup!" "You'll be bored, dude!" "Life is not meant to be enjoyed, until you are REALLY old!" Those comments certainly represent conventional wisdom, but I'm rarely accused of being a slave to convention!
The comment board is open...What do you think?
UPDATE: I just made the mistake of watching Office Space. Definitely not a good movie to encourage someone to continue working in a cubicle! (Though my boss is nothing like "Bill Lumbergh", and so far, nobody has removed my red Swingline stapler from my desk!)
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
"Ding Dong, The Laptop's Dead..."
My Hewlitt-Packard laptop finally decided that it was going on the 120-Day Disabled List (Baseball reference required, as Spring Training is ON!). It performed reasonably well during my time at Ft McCoy, Ft Lewis, and Iraq, but it never really recovered after ingesting all Middle Eastern that sand and dust. Lately, my laptop started going dark while in the middle of projects, freezing up for an hour or so, and refusing to obey my commands altogether. No computer of mine is going to get away with ignoring CTRL - ALT- DELETE, boy howdy!
The last straw came last night, as I was attempting to do a critical task on a Department of Defense (DoD) website. It had taken me about an hour to input all of the data required, and just as I clicked on "Submit Form for Digital Signature", Mister Laptop emitted the computer noise equivalent of "Take This Job and Shove It!" No amount of rebooting, cajoling, or threats to insert a Yanni music CD seemed to have any effect. I went to bed, defeated and despairing. This morning, I got Mister Laptop running, but not much else. (Fortunately, John, our unit administrator and worthy soldier, was in the office today, and offered to assist with my DoD task...which is now done!)
Back to Mr. Laptop...It was clear that I would need to replace him, permanently. Since our primary computer is a Mac, with which Army software is largely incompatible (surprise!), I needed to regain that capability, and fast.
Thanks once more to a supportive Spousal Unit, we figured out a way to make it happen without breaking the bank. A smaller, faster Dell laptop fit all the parameters. Now I'm on dueling computers, writing this while creating system recovery disks, setting up internet favorites, and downloading the required security certificates to log onto DoD systems. Let's hope the new "Mr. Laptop" gives the same yeoman service as the retired veteran did!
The last straw came last night, as I was attempting to do a critical task on a Department of Defense (DoD) website. It had taken me about an hour to input all of the data required, and just as I clicked on "Submit Form for Digital Signature", Mister Laptop emitted the computer noise equivalent of "Take This Job and Shove It!" No amount of rebooting, cajoling, or threats to insert a Yanni music CD seemed to have any effect. I went to bed, defeated and despairing. This morning, I got Mister Laptop running, but not much else. (Fortunately, John, our unit administrator and worthy soldier, was in the office today, and offered to assist with my DoD task...which is now done!)
Back to Mr. Laptop...It was clear that I would need to replace him, permanently. Since our primary computer is a Mac, with which Army software is largely incompatible (surprise!), I needed to regain that capability, and fast.
Thanks once more to a supportive Spousal Unit, we figured out a way to make it happen without breaking the bank. A smaller, faster Dell laptop fit all the parameters. Now I'm on dueling computers, writing this while creating system recovery disks, setting up internet favorites, and downloading the required security certificates to log onto DoD systems. Let's hope the new "Mr. Laptop" gives the same yeoman service as the retired veteran did!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
"Every Day's a Holiday!"
Some people who aren't in show business have "catch phrases"...(A movie example would be Arnold Schwarzenegger's ubiquitous "I'll Be Back!") My boss invariably responds to bureaucratic silliness with, "It is what it is."
My own catch phrase is one borrowed from one of my favorite senior sergeants during the early 80s. SFC Carl Gore, a short, perpetually cheerful, and highly competent supply sergeant/logistics staff guy, would greet us each morning with, "Every day's a holiday...Yes, Lord!" SFC Gore's lopsided grin, coupled with his West Virginia twang, never failed to make me smile. When I became a cop, I adopted the first part of SFC Gore's catch phrase because it helped to balance the cynical attitudes of my fellow officers. It does convey my personal philosophy, and whenever I utter it when things aren't going as planned, my own outlook improves.
So, how does a person select a catch phrase for themselves? If you have reached a point in life where you need or want to do such a thing, the selection process must be honored. You can't force it, and it has to be consistent with your personality. I knew a young cop who adopted Sgt Roger Murtaugh's (Danny Glover's character in the Lethal Weapon series) expression: "I'm getting too old for this sh*t!" Since my colleague looked like he was 14 years old, with a voice to match, this particular catch phrase just didn't fit. (He eventually discarded it, much to everyone's relief.)
Do YOU have a catch phrase? How did you select it? Does it seem to resonate with others whenever you say it?
My own catch phrase is one borrowed from one of my favorite senior sergeants during the early 80s. SFC Carl Gore, a short, perpetually cheerful, and highly competent supply sergeant/logistics staff guy, would greet us each morning with, "Every day's a holiday...Yes, Lord!" SFC Gore's lopsided grin, coupled with his West Virginia twang, never failed to make me smile. When I became a cop, I adopted the first part of SFC Gore's catch phrase because it helped to balance the cynical attitudes of my fellow officers. It does convey my personal philosophy, and whenever I utter it when things aren't going as planned, my own outlook improves.
So, how does a person select a catch phrase for themselves? If you have reached a point in life where you need or want to do such a thing, the selection process must be honored. You can't force it, and it has to be consistent with your personality. I knew a young cop who adopted Sgt Roger Murtaugh's (Danny Glover's character in the Lethal Weapon series) expression: "I'm getting too old for this sh*t!" Since my colleague looked like he was 14 years old, with a voice to match, this particular catch phrase just didn't fit. (He eventually discarded it, much to everyone's relief.)
Do YOU have a catch phrase? How did you select it? Does it seem to resonate with others whenever you say it?
Friday, March 2, 2012
"Yesterday's Technology...TODAY!"
That's apparently the motto of U.S. Army Information Technology (IT), and it's showing no indication of changing for the better anytime soon.
Back in the old days, when men were men, and electric typewriters were cutting edge, it could take several staff hours just to produce one error-free officer or enlisted efficiency report. "White-Out", or correction tape was prohibited, so one little mistake resulted in the offending form being ripped from the typewriter, cursed roundly, and a fresh form inserted. In the late 70s, when I was a tank battalion adjutant (personnel officer) in Germany, the battalion commander and I pooled our funds and bought our new civilian clerk one of those new word processors, and a daisy wheel printer. Once she got the hang of it, the clerk would set up the tabs and margins on her little green screen, type the words, I'd proofread it, and then she'd insert the blank form, and Voila'!... an error-free report!
When I came back in the Army in 2008, I quickly discovered that despite the tremendous advances in computer technology being successfully utilized in the civilian sector, such advances weren't even close to being fully implemented. Oh, sure, lots of processes and routine mandatory training were supposedly "On Line"...but were in reality a major obstacle to efficiency. Frustration reached a crescendo while in Iraq, as all of our investigation reports had to be created and stored on a remote server, which required reliable internet service ("Strike ONE!"), computers which were rugged enough to withstand the hostile environment, ("Strike TWO!"), and an IT team that could troubleshoot and repair/replace machines and system infrastructure...("SteeRIKE THREE...Yer OUT!") Some agents even rustled up a couple of clunky Iraqi knock-offs of old Smith-Corona manual typewriters, so they could at least write up case reports. Naturally their initiative was "rewarded" with disdain, and a reminder that we were a "digital agency"...never mind the fact that we also had to maintain paper case files as our primary record.
What sparked this evening's rant was my participation in continued computer silliness during our Battle Assembly yesterday and today. Most of us were assigned to complete two online training modules, each designed to take no more than 60 minutes. Finding a computer which would recognize our access cards took about 45 minutes. Finding where these training modules were hiding within the Army Online Training Website took another 20 minutes. So now each of us soldiers have expended around 65 minutes, and had yet to actually start the dang classes! Of course, things continued to deteriorate. For one course, I logged in, completed the training (I timed it, and it took me 72 minutes), and then clicked on the link to take the final exam, and print my certificate of completion...without which the whole process never existed. (Very existential, I'll give the Army that much.) Upon clicking the test link, I got an error message which informed me that I "didn't have permission to access that website." I tried using the "back arrow", and clicking on the link again: Same no-go. I then figured my best tactic was to refresh the screen, which usually works quite well in a "normal" situation. Here, this approach yielded a whole new message, happily informing me that I had erased my progress, and needed to start the training over from the beginning. Here's the "coup de irony"...I apparently needed to complete the module and the test in order to have permission to access the secure website where the test link should have taken me. I could almost hear Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez shouting, "RE-JECTED!" like in that cheesy "Just For Men" hair color commercial from a few years ago. I ended up leaving drill early, so that I could go home and complete the second training module from my home computer. (Using my iMac and broadband internet connection, I finished the training in 15 minutes.)
I'd like to believe that in the higher headquarters, like the Pentagon, none of these digital hedgerows exist. In fact, I'm 100% certain that this is indeed the case. Because no fighting force could be so darn successful as we are, with crapola IT at the top. That's my fantasy, anyway, so please don't disillusion me if that's not the case. Thanks.
Back in the old days, when men were men, and electric typewriters were cutting edge, it could take several staff hours just to produce one error-free officer or enlisted efficiency report. "White-Out", or correction tape was prohibited, so one little mistake resulted in the offending form being ripped from the typewriter, cursed roundly, and a fresh form inserted. In the late 70s, when I was a tank battalion adjutant (personnel officer) in Germany, the battalion commander and I pooled our funds and bought our new civilian clerk one of those new word processors, and a daisy wheel printer. Once she got the hang of it, the clerk would set up the tabs and margins on her little green screen, type the words, I'd proofread it, and then she'd insert the blank form, and Voila'!... an error-free report!
When I came back in the Army in 2008, I quickly discovered that despite the tremendous advances in computer technology being successfully utilized in the civilian sector, such advances weren't even close to being fully implemented. Oh, sure, lots of processes and routine mandatory training were supposedly "On Line"...but were in reality a major obstacle to efficiency. Frustration reached a crescendo while in Iraq, as all of our investigation reports had to be created and stored on a remote server, which required reliable internet service ("Strike ONE!"), computers which were rugged enough to withstand the hostile environment, ("Strike TWO!"), and an IT team that could troubleshoot and repair/replace machines and system infrastructure...("SteeRIKE THREE...Yer OUT!") Some agents even rustled up a couple of clunky Iraqi knock-offs of old Smith-Corona manual typewriters, so they could at least write up case reports. Naturally their initiative was "rewarded" with disdain, and a reminder that we were a "digital agency"...never mind the fact that we also had to maintain paper case files as our primary record.
What sparked this evening's rant was my participation in continued computer silliness during our Battle Assembly yesterday and today. Most of us were assigned to complete two online training modules, each designed to take no more than 60 minutes. Finding a computer which would recognize our access cards took about 45 minutes. Finding where these training modules were hiding within the Army Online Training Website took another 20 minutes. So now each of us soldiers have expended around 65 minutes, and had yet to actually start the dang classes! Of course, things continued to deteriorate. For one course, I logged in, completed the training (I timed it, and it took me 72 minutes), and then clicked on the link to take the final exam, and print my certificate of completion...without which the whole process never existed. (Very existential, I'll give the Army that much.) Upon clicking the test link, I got an error message which informed me that I "didn't have permission to access that website." I tried using the "back arrow", and clicking on the link again: Same no-go. I then figured my best tactic was to refresh the screen, which usually works quite well in a "normal" situation. Here, this approach yielded a whole new message, happily informing me that I had erased my progress, and needed to start the training over from the beginning. Here's the "coup de irony"...I apparently needed to complete the module and the test in order to have permission to access the secure website where the test link should have taken me. I could almost hear Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez shouting, "RE-JECTED!" like in that cheesy "Just For Men" hair color commercial from a few years ago. I ended up leaving drill early, so that I could go home and complete the second training module from my home computer. (Using my iMac and broadband internet connection, I finished the training in 15 minutes.)
I'd like to believe that in the higher headquarters, like the Pentagon, none of these digital hedgerows exist. In fact, I'm 100% certain that this is indeed the case. Because no fighting force could be so darn successful as we are, with crapola IT at the top. That's my fantasy, anyway, so please don't disillusion me if that's not the case. Thanks.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Adios, Facebook! (And it didn't even take 12 Steps!)
I became acquainted with Facebook during my deployment to Iraq. I had envisioned this blog as being the best platform to keep in touch with friends, colleagues, and family, but one work colleague sent me an email, urging me to give Facebook (FB) a try. Her argument was that FB was more timely, and easier to keep track of multiple friends and their activities. I was skeptical, believing that FB consisted of insipid updates about what TV show friends were watching, or what they had for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Well, after setting up an account, I discovered that there was indeed some of those trivial posts, but also a lot of good connections. I renewed contact with respected cousins, nieces, nephews, an aunt, old friends from high school, college, law enforcement, and the "Old Army", and found it much easier to write a quick status or post a comment on a friend's wall, than to construct a blog entry.
As my "friends list" grew (as of tonight, there was a grand total of 260), I spent a lot of time tracking what was going on in my new world. While FB may not have been an addiction, I found myself unconsciously wondering how folks had reacted to my last brilliant status update, or witty reply left on their "Wall". My ethereal social network continued to grow, and I truly enjoyed making the acquaintance of some very impressive people...many of them "friends of friends" spread out around the globe. Some were (are) celebrities, like the talented clubhouse reporter for our Major League baseball team, a superb best-selling mystery writer, a QVC Network host, while others were future superstars, like an Army attack helicopter pilot who is a PhD candidate and soon to be astronaut.
Being a sociable person by nature, I thrived on the ability to interact with so many people on a regular basis, and enjoyed the challenge of writing to amuse, inform, spur a debate, or simply entertain. It's very seductive, having such a large audience out there 24/7! Naturally, the downside to FB was how easy it became to divide my attention between my Spousal Unit and my FB pals. What moved my FB use to a new, and darker level was my acquisition of an iPhone...which I immediately used to download the FB app. Now, constant updates flashed on the darkened screen, alerting me that "Somebody just did SOMETHING!" which of course I just had to see. Didn't matter if we were watching TV, eating dinner, or talking about random stuff...the siren call of a status update or "like" invariably caught my eye. Yeah, it sure sounds similar to the pervy dudes who are out with their wife or girlfriend, but just can't help swiveling their necks to check out some young babe strolling in the opposite direction. My Spousal Unit made a few softly-barbed comments about my wandering iPhone habit, but generally refrained from actively rebuking me.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that my behavior was not real functional. What made the need for change even more apparent was the growing numbers of political postings, mostly by far right-wingers, who denigrated anyone who thinks differently than they, labeling them as "libtards", "traitors", "communist/socialist/terrorist", or just plain unpatriotic. (I do have several very conservative friends and colleagues who avoid this behavior, and are capable of having a very civil discourse with those of a different persuasion...for which I am very thankful!) I got just as annoyed by the strident left-wing folks, though these types tend to display a much lower "Adam Henry Quotient" than their Ultra-Conservative opponents. So when Facebook started to resemble less of a social gathering, and more of a Leni Riefenstahl propaganda film (cue the "Horst Wessel Lied"!), I realized it was time to bail out.
I will still keep in touch with my friends, colleagues and relatives via email, in-person visits, and phone calls...but it won't intrude constantly on my time with my excellent Spousal Unit. As an added benefit, I hope that discarding my former FB creative writing outlet will spur me to work more diligently on my novel and blog. So, Adios, Facebook, and Vaya Con Bozos!
As my "friends list" grew (as of tonight, there was a grand total of 260), I spent a lot of time tracking what was going on in my new world. While FB may not have been an addiction, I found myself unconsciously wondering how folks had reacted to my last brilliant status update, or witty reply left on their "Wall". My ethereal social network continued to grow, and I truly enjoyed making the acquaintance of some very impressive people...many of them "friends of friends" spread out around the globe. Some were (are) celebrities, like the talented clubhouse reporter for our Major League baseball team, a superb best-selling mystery writer, a QVC Network host, while others were future superstars, like an Army attack helicopter pilot who is a PhD candidate and soon to be astronaut.
Being a sociable person by nature, I thrived on the ability to interact with so many people on a regular basis, and enjoyed the challenge of writing to amuse, inform, spur a debate, or simply entertain. It's very seductive, having such a large audience out there 24/7! Naturally, the downside to FB was how easy it became to divide my attention between my Spousal Unit and my FB pals. What moved my FB use to a new, and darker level was my acquisition of an iPhone...which I immediately used to download the FB app. Now, constant updates flashed on the darkened screen, alerting me that "Somebody just did SOMETHING!" which of course I just had to see. Didn't matter if we were watching TV, eating dinner, or talking about random stuff...the siren call of a status update or "like" invariably caught my eye. Yeah, it sure sounds similar to the pervy dudes who are out with their wife or girlfriend, but just can't help swiveling their necks to check out some young babe strolling in the opposite direction. My Spousal Unit made a few softly-barbed comments about my wandering iPhone habit, but generally refrained from actively rebuking me.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that my behavior was not real functional. What made the need for change even more apparent was the growing numbers of political postings, mostly by far right-wingers, who denigrated anyone who thinks differently than they, labeling them as "libtards", "traitors", "communist/socialist/terrorist", or just plain unpatriotic. (I do have several very conservative friends and colleagues who avoid this behavior, and are capable of having a very civil discourse with those of a different persuasion...for which I am very thankful!) I got just as annoyed by the strident left-wing folks, though these types tend to display a much lower "Adam Henry Quotient" than their Ultra-Conservative opponents. So when Facebook started to resemble less of a social gathering, and more of a Leni Riefenstahl propaganda film (cue the "Horst Wessel Lied"!), I realized it was time to bail out.
I will still keep in touch with my friends, colleagues and relatives via email, in-person visits, and phone calls...but it won't intrude constantly on my time with my excellent Spousal Unit. As an added benefit, I hope that discarding my former FB creative writing outlet will spur me to work more diligently on my novel and blog. So, Adios, Facebook, and Vaya Con Bozos!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Mid-Winter Early Morning Ramblings
It's "Oh-Dark-Thirty" on a cold, rainy Sunday morning, and once awakened by the "Call of the Bladder", I was not inclined to try for more sleep. It's my usual gettin' up time anyway, and I must respect the Circadian Rhythm!
The house is pretty quiet at this hour, at least once my routine Alpenhorn blasts have subsided. I enjoy spending time in the computer room, which looks pretty classy after the summer/fall remodel. It sports "Hunter Green" walls, and really nice oak/hardwood furniture...and a much-reduced amount of "I Love Me" crap as an advertisement of my awesomeness. It's false advertising, of course...but the few items that made the cut are reminders of special personal or professional relationships I've been fortunate to have over my adult life. There's the usual stuff, like my Master's Degree diploma from the University of Washington, and a couple of unit plaques from my days as an active duty Armor/Cavalry officer. I have a poignant group photograph of the police department I served with and retired from, which includes the four officers who were murdered in November, 2009, while I was deployed to Iraq. Mounted over my new dresser is a USMC NCO sword, which I wore as commander of the sheriff's department honor guard. The honor guard crew presented the sword and mounting plaque to me when I turned over command after eight years. Of all the law enforcement-related awards or memorabilia I collected over a 22 year career, this one means the most to me. Rounding out the wall hangings is a compelling drawing of a US Cavalry patrol fighting its way out of an ambush, circa 1878, by renowned western artist Bill O'Neill, my Paul Harris Fellow award from Rotary, and my very favorite piece of artwork...a small sketch illustrating a quote from The Little Prince: "If you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then by three o'clock I shall begin to be happy." My Spousal Unit gave me this when we were first dating, and it means the world to me.
Just outside the room, I reserved a special spot for a beautiful print, depicting a squadron of red-tailed P-51 fighters escorting a formation of B-17s. This print, signed by one of those amazing, valiant Tuskegee Airmen, was a birthday gift from my Air Force officer son...I'm inspired every time I look at it.
Well, the family (Spousal Unit, and our two pups) is stirring, so I'll end this rambling writing exercise with a "Good Morning!" to anyone who happens to read it!
The house is pretty quiet at this hour, at least once my routine Alpenhorn blasts have subsided. I enjoy spending time in the computer room, which looks pretty classy after the summer/fall remodel. It sports "Hunter Green" walls, and really nice oak/hardwood furniture...and a much-reduced amount of "I Love Me" crap as an advertisement of my awesomeness. It's false advertising, of course...but the few items that made the cut are reminders of special personal or professional relationships I've been fortunate to have over my adult life. There's the usual stuff, like my Master's Degree diploma from the University of Washington, and a couple of unit plaques from my days as an active duty Armor/Cavalry officer. I have a poignant group photograph of the police department I served with and retired from, which includes the four officers who were murdered in November, 2009, while I was deployed to Iraq. Mounted over my new dresser is a USMC NCO sword, which I wore as commander of the sheriff's department honor guard. The honor guard crew presented the sword and mounting plaque to me when I turned over command after eight years. Of all the law enforcement-related awards or memorabilia I collected over a 22 year career, this one means the most to me. Rounding out the wall hangings is a compelling drawing of a US Cavalry patrol fighting its way out of an ambush, circa 1878, by renowned western artist Bill O'Neill, my Paul Harris Fellow award from Rotary, and my very favorite piece of artwork...a small sketch illustrating a quote from The Little Prince: "If you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then by three o'clock I shall begin to be happy." My Spousal Unit gave me this when we were first dating, and it means the world to me.
Just outside the room, I reserved a special spot for a beautiful print, depicting a squadron of red-tailed P-51 fighters escorting a formation of B-17s. This print, signed by one of those amazing, valiant Tuskegee Airmen, was a birthday gift from my Air Force officer son...I'm inspired every time I look at it.
Well, the family (Spousal Unit, and our two pups) is stirring, so I'll end this rambling writing exercise with a "Good Morning!" to anyone who happens to read it!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
It's Getting Better All the Time...
Those of you who know what a crappy singer I am will be relieved that you can't hear me warbling...okay, screeching that old Beatles song...But it's an apt theme for the progress with our remodel.
As of today, the oak hardwood floors are finished, and look gleamingly gorgeous. The Spousal Unit and I expanded the painting portion of the project plan.. Alliteratively... and the new color schemes, coupled with fresh, white ceilings, gives the place a whole new look. Even the trailer is beginning to feel like "home".
Of course, we are buying some nice new furniture pieces to replace some of the "eclectic" stuff, and revising what will go up on the walls once we move back in next week. But hey, it's only money!
As of today, the oak hardwood floors are finished, and look gleamingly gorgeous. The Spousal Unit and I expanded the painting portion of the project plan.. Alliteratively... and the new color schemes, coupled with fresh, white ceilings, gives the place a whole new look. Even the trailer is beginning to feel like "home".
Of course, we are buying some nice new furniture pieces to replace some of the "eclectic" stuff, and revising what will go up on the walls once we move back in next week. But hey, it's only money!
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